Today

When it comes to these little buggers right here ...... we are all talk, no action (and when I say we, I mean Avery.)

We try and visit the Shark Reef once a year, and every year Avery swears up and down that she's finally going to be brave enough to touch a sting ray ... but then, in the heat of the moment ... nothing.

I was all the way across the pond when this conversation took place, so I don't know exactly what was said here ... but let me take an educated stab:

Avery: You touch it!

Jared: No, YOU touch it!

Avery: No, YOU touch it!

Jared: No, YOU touch it!
... and around and around they go.

Until someone finally gives in ... and not the someone we were hoping for.

About an hour later, Avery touches the surface of the water directly above a sting ray ... and we chalk this up to a major breakthrough ... Afterward, we hit up Wendy's for some Frosty's and to celebrate our "near sting ray touching" ... and I see him off in the distance, directly below the sign to I15 ... and I can not believe my eyes ... and the words come spilling out of my mouth, "See Jared, this is why we can never leave Las Vegas!" ...And I make Jared pull a U Turn so I can get this picture ... and I shake his hand and I compliment him on the authenticity of his get-up ... and he says to me, "Well thank you darlin'. You have yourself a Happy New Year!"...And you as well, Superman ... you as well!

Happy New Year Everyone!

Christmas Morning

Buying time ... Stalling ... Waiting to see if Avery will actually explode if we don't let her out of her room ... Ashy, like last Christmas, is violently awakened by her older sister ... Christmas Bliss! The topic of where to hang Dale is highly debated and of grave concern Christmas morning ...My brand new, artificial rose bouquet ... gifted to me by my eldest daughter, brought to me by the Dollar Tree ... I love it!!!... general spreading of the love ...
Anistyn said that while she can't really see herself riding her new trike today ... she can totally see herself behind those sweet little blue wheels down the road ... and she's very happy about it.Busy, busy, busy ...We may never know if she would have preferred green over red ...And this one, who is sometimes hard to read ... was even harder to read on Christmas morning ... but we think, that is, we're pretty sure ... that blank stares translate to stimulation overload and insane levels of happiness, temporarily in sleep-mode ...And now, allow me to borrow a quote from one of the greats, "A Christmas Story" ...

"Life is like that. Sometimes at the height of our reveries, when our joy is at its zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us."... approximately 8 seconds before Avery threw up in our hallway ...Approximately 20 minutes after Avery threw up in our hallway ...And there you have it ... all and all, a beautiful Christmas morning.We hope you all had a very Merry Christmas too!

It's The Thought ...

Keeping up with tradition, we took the girls to the Dollar Tree last night … split up … Ashy with me, Avery and Anistyn with Jared. They each had 4 bones to spend on gifts for each of their family members … and just like last year, our girls had a terrible, terrible time trying to make such life-changing decisions ... or maybe it really is that hard to decide on which cheap, plastic, jumbo-size crayon your sister would fancy? Red is always a solid choice ... but then there’s just something about green .... ohhhhhhh, why is it so hard!!!

Ashy found this on aisle 9 … took one look at it and knew Jared had to have it. She could not be swayed, despite massive efforts at sway-age.Incidentally, Jared is not a Nascar fan … and whether or not he’ll be able to find a place for Dale Earnhardt Jr. in our home, well, I just don’t know? Maybe he’ll hang it up in our bedroom? Maybe he’ll take it to work? Or perhaps he may just re-gift it? No matter what this poster’s fate … the fact remains, it’s the thought … you know … that ummmmm … well … yeah … it's the thought that counts. Vrrrrrrooom Vrrrrooooooooom!

On the flipside … Jared took to the aisles with Avery … which can mean only one thing … and I hesitate to even say this for fear that I might jinx it … but I have a feeling that this just might be the year I finally get one of these …or maybe even one of these … … each creepy in its own, very distinct way … but a major SCORE in my opinion.

For the record … Dale Earnhardt Jr. was on sale at the Dollar Tree … he actually rang up for 25 cents at the register. I asked Ashy not to share this information with her Dad ... I want him thinking we paid top dollar for Dale.

Ohhhhh, tis' the season.

Also, totally unrelated to the joy that is to be had at the Dollar Tree ... if you're not using your empty wrapping paper rolls ... I know a good home.

Oh Happy Day!

DAD'S HOME!!!

And he brought back this 10 dollar, battery-operated, fake fish tank that he picked up at a Cracker Barrel in Minneapolis ... and like that, all of his absences were excused by the headmistresses.

I really thought I was the one who missed him the most these past few weeks ... but in all honesty, I think it was Little Red here.
She hasn't stopped smiling yet!

Crazy

Jared’s been in the Midwest for work for the past two weeks. He comes home tonight. My hat is off and waving wildly in the air to all the single mother’s out there … as well as all the mother’s who have husbands that are off serving in the military … AND all the mother’s who have husbands that work just ridiculously long hours to the point that they pretty much feel like single mother’s. I hope you all can see this hat I’m waving … because I’m seriously going to just keep waving it until I develop a scorching case of tendinitis, then I may take a 15 minute break, then I’ll continue waving it. I think you ALL are AMAZING!  Truly, truly amazing.

It’s funny, because I really consider myself a pretty independent, I-can-handle-it, nothing-gets-me-down type of gal … but I’m obviously not cut out for this … because I deteriorated fairly rapidly in Jared's absence … and more than that, I’ve been seriously lonely these past two weeks. Like, lonely-lonely … like, chatting-up-strangers-in-the-grocery-store lonely. Jared’s never been away quite this long before … and I typically don’t sleep very well when he’s gone … but this time, I’ve barely slept at all … like, maybe an hour or two a night … and it shows … it really, really shows … and I think I just might be losing my mind a little bit. Here’s why …

Exhibit A- I swear to you the house next door to us is inching its way toward ours. The houses in our neighborhood are already stacked right on top of one another … but I noticed this a few days ago, that it’s moving in on us. I’m convinced that by Sunday, we’ll be touching completely.
…
Exhibit B- While I’m laying in bed not sleeping, I’m imagining/designing a company where you can rent a Pitbull (or Ninja, depending on what’s in stock) by the week. Someone will come deliver the Pitbull (or Ninja) directly to your backyard when your husband leaves town, and then they’ll come pick up the Pitbull (or Ninja) when your husband returns home. It’s all completely legit, and safe, and you wouldn’t believe the prices! Totally reasonable!
…
Exhibit C- I’ve felt the sensation that my upper lip was sweating since Monday … I go to wipe it, and it’s dry. Two minutes later, I feel like it’s sweating again … wipe it … still dry. Rinse and repeat 100 times and Lori you’re flirting with hospitalization.
…
Exhibit D- I’m trying so hard to keep things ‘business as usual’ over here … daily showers, exercising, fresh air, healthy meals, etc … so I don’t know where we’re going wrong, but I’m not kidding you, we all smell like a pair of old bowling shoes … me especially.
…
Exhibit E- You know how sometimes you see someone and you think they look familiar but then you just kind of let it go and you’re able to move on? Well, yesterday morning while shopping at Target I saw this couple that I swear I knew. They looked SO familiar to me … crazy familiar! Both of them. And maybe if I had actually slept the night before I would have been able to just push my little red cart passed them … but instead …

Me: You guys look soooo familiar. How do I know you guys?
Couple: Ummmm, I’m not sure?
Me: Do you have a son or daughter that goes to Thompson Elementary?
Couple: No.
Me: Do I know you from church?
Couple: I don’t think so.
Me: Do you guys ever go to that park on Gilcrease?
Couple: No.
Me: I swear I know you guys! This is gonna drive me crazy.
Couple: Well, we’ve already crossed paths several times right here in Target, maybe that’s how you know us!  Hahahahaha! (she’s laughing ... like what she’s saying is amusing to me ... like she’s not even taking me seriously ... like she’s not even TRYING to think about how we might possibly know each other) …
Me: ... (necessary reciprocated fake laughter because even though I’m totally sleep-deprived and now TOTALLY annoyed with this couple that I COMPLETELY KNOW that isn't taking me seriously, I still have a shred of dignity left and I’m able to muster up) ... I guess that must be it! (Hahahahahahaha … I'm hating them now … and off I go pushing my little red cart).

Please visit me in the nuthouse. Just follow the strong stench of old bowling shoes and look for the girl with the sweaty upper lip that’s drawing pictures in her notebook of that couple from Target that she swears she knows. That would be me.

(I'm wearing my bowling shoes in this picture)

Cat And Mouse

My ultra right wing view on little kids holding babies ... I'll just say it, I've never been a big fan. In fact, the whole idea of it actually makes me pretty uncomfortable. Maybe because I've witnessed some pretty scary kid-holding-baby situations in my day ... or maybe because 9 times out of 10, it doesn't really seem like 'holding' ... more like 'handling' ... and I think I can speak for most when I say nobody really likes to be handled. But this is what has been going on at our house lately ...

The Cat

The Mouse

The ChaseThe Struggle

The Capture

The Getaway

The Aftermath/ The Consoling

As I mentioned before, not a fan. And if our Mouse could speak for herself she'd probably have this to say to Avery ... "You're it! I quit!"

The Making Of Our Jacked Up Christmas Card

Not quite ready ...

Avery and Ashlyn, that's a little too much ... let's bring it down to a solid 8 in terms of our excitement level ... we don't want to seem too Merry, or we'll scare people ... Getting warmer ... Ashy, un-clinch your fists sweetheart...

Anistyn, let go of Avery's clip ... Avery, take a break for a minute, your smile just crossed over to creepy ...

Slight repositioning ... and we're moving on.

Ashy's not sure anymore ... and I think Anistyn may have a splinter in her bum ...

Ashy's laughing because Mom just said "bum" ...

Pull it together Ashy!!!

Ashy's right hand ... and for any other picture, fine ... but I'd rather not have such a pronounced middle finger on our Christmas card ...

Ashy see's a huge dog off in the distance ... and this pretty much concludes our session ...

Yep, we won't recover from a dog that big ...

The stars did align for this one picture right here ... everyone looking ... everyone smiling ... everyone Merry and Bright ...

Unfortunately ... when Lori slapped together a photocard through Costco she didn't take into consideration that in order for her vertical picture to fit just so (and I'm speaking in third person right now because it makes me feel less responsible for what happened) ... in doing so, the actual integrity of the picture was compromised and Lori's photocard came out looking more or less like this ...

Maybe a slight exaggeration ... but in hindsight, perhaps it should have been less important to see the girls' shoes and more important to avoid looking like someone took a rolling pin to our sides. And we wanted so badly to showcase our love handles this year! Just know that they're there ... and that next year we're keeping it real and going horizontal ... fo' sho' =)